Hold down shift (I think) to maipulate the bezier handles independantly.
As for your other problem, it may be that you are trying to join more than 2 segments. When working with splines, each vertex can only have 2 segments coming out of it. You won't be able to connect 3 or more.

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[Link to www.3dprevis.com]

Ok thanks.

So when I am attaching the cages to the main "outer" spline, it doesnt actually attach. I can make a surface modifier this way, but what happens to the unattached segments and isnt this bad? or does the thing just assume its attached? I guess what Im saying is it seems like an open spline.

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Can you post an image of what you're trying to do? You might be able to do it using cross sections.

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[Link to www.3dprevis.com]

With your beziers you might notice that an axis of the move gizmo is yellow, just click on the square, so its 2d, then you should be able to move the handles on both axes. It got me for a while too.

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Here is a linke to an example picture as asked.

[Link to img518.imageshack.us]

First I draw the outline of a lumpy looking pumkin. No problems, closed spline.

Next I want to draw some detailed ridges with the spline cage technique.

What I do is click check the "connect box" and then Refine, and choose refine.
It makes the the line from the 2 spots I clicked on the exterior spline, but as you can see in the first left most pair, if I move them off, it reveals that they arent attatched to the edge, and there is 2 vertexes made, not 1. Your remark about only being attached to two lines at most makes sense here.

But since fuse / weld doesnt work on them (again Im assuming because of your 2 line reason) what happens to those extra vertexes once I go 3d with SURFACE modifier. Shouldnt they be cleaned up or somehow attached?

The tutorial im following says nothing about them, and I do get the proper end result but I cant help but think something isnt right (the tutorial recommends using the select feature or auto select [0.1] to move those edge vertexes as one. But they remain 2, so I guess Im just asking, is it ok that they dont attach??

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I say start by learning polygon modelling (editable polygon). less headaches and its the best modlling tool in max in my opinion. Obviously you need splines sometimes but I hate making spline cages and surfaces. almost never use it except maybe for a boat. and even then I'd probably do it with modifiers instead.

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I agree with Tyson. Using spline cages isn't the best way to go about modeling. Splines can be very useful for modelling detailed shapes like the ones in this thread:
[Link to maxforum3.3dsmaxforum.com]

But for shapes like the one your after there, poly modeling is definately the best way to go.

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[Link to www.3dprevis.com]